ESL educating, writing, cat loving, recovering from illness, enjoying island living kind of gal!

Archive for November, 2013

Beginnings…Ramblings…Just a Little Bit Better…

This is a part of my story. I will begin by saying I am in no way looking for sympathy. This isn’t the reason I created a blog! I simply want an outlet to express my feelings regarding life’s ever precarious events to enhance understanding and grasp more clearly how to cope. Many of you are going to be able to relate to my ramblings and for those struggling to understand, maybe I can provide some clarity as far as the written word can take me!

I think nearly everyone will be able to relate to my story. Metaphorically, it is like peeling an onion…layer upon layer…gradually opening up to what can be found inside. Utilizing an enlightened approach to relating is key, methodically removing each layer of an onion, one is able to appreciate the complexities at each level as you eventually reach the core. We are all infinitely connected and within each layer someone will understand me in their own unique way.

Life is complicated. We all need ‘help’ navigating through our lives. We have friends, colleagues, online friends, partners and family. Maybe you have Graves’ disease or a large fibrous tumor that causes pain and compresses your bladder or fibromyalgia and know exactly what mind fog is! I am in the process of learning how to manage my daily life with these botherations! I am learning how to cope better, love better, and enjoy the little things better. I want to get through each day just a bit better.

This weekend is a long weekend in Canada for Remembrance Day. I am struggling with all the facets involved with working while I am ill. I no longer know how to manage. I struggle with the idea of once again being supported financially by my spouse not having my own income. But I don’t know how to cope with the crushing exhaustion that reduces my work performance making me fear every minute of every day that my job is on the line. It is so easy in today’s world to be replaced by another ‘human robot’ who could do my job just a little bit better, making my this large corporate company those extra few dollars. I know all too well that profit normally comes before humanity in this Western world.

Update: I quit my job soon after writing this post. I am back to focusing on teaching and tutoring ESL and university students part-time along with a bit of data entry!

This year has been a tough one, not only health wise. Mentally and financially it has been what seems like an unending struggle and sometimes it feels like governmental red tape will put me 6 feet under.

Thus I strive for a place of healing. I have lots to be thankful for and I want to shift my focus, find clarity within chaos, and be just a little bit better!